The Verger!

How can we continue without mentioning the most important character in not just this Cathedral, but in any – the Dean’s Verger. Our Dean’s Verger, Robert McDougall, or Old Bert as he is usually referred, has been a verger for over forty years, although only at our Cathedral for eight. Appointed in a hurry to replace the former DV who had met with a unfortunate accident while trying to change a light bulb from the top of a precariously-balanced ladder atop the organ screen, Bert’s main qualifications were that he was available, and cheap. Rumour has it that he was only available due to being asked to leave his previous Cathedral, following being caught in the sacristy with some plant-life not considered entirely legal by the authorities. It was made worse by the fact that he was selling this to the bellringers, always a weird lot. However, these rumours could not be substantiated and he came with a glowing reference. This in itself was suspicious! Bert started life in the Royal Navy, having left home as soon as legally possible. Annoyed at there not being a current world war in which to fight, he undertook his service with determined enthusiasm. He was present at nuclear weapon testing in the Pacific in the 1950s although would have preferred to test these weapons nearer home, probably somewhere in the Rhine Valley. Upon discharge he got a job as verger at a small parish church in Yorkshire and worked his way up. Bert smokes like a train and is renowned for his dislike of the assistant organist with whom a constant battle is fought. On one occasion he spent many hours rearranging the chairs in the nave, interspersing newly-purchased plastic folding ones with the permanent wooden ones so that, when viewed from the organ loft, they spelled a somewhat rude instruction. This dislike of one organist is matched by an equal dislike of most of the other people in the Cathedral, except for the bellringers, with whom Bert has an odd affinity. It is hoped that Bert's retirement party will be held very soon.